Sunday, July 25, 2004

Mojowire for 04/03/04 Part II

S9 Great fiery wrath of the vengeful Space-God Jehovah-1 in the nine heavens of Nova Terra Libertaria -- it has been a truly awful week. The one bright spot in the whole news feed from down the well has been the Bureau of Labor Statistics finding over 300,000 new jobs on U.S. payrolls in the last month. The information, however, is that nobody knows why.

But speaking of things that suck with a mighty and most terrible wind, I've been following the news-like product covering the public reaction to the recent imagery uploaded into the ether this week from a bridge over the Euphrates River in Fallujah, Iraq. I have to say I am completely underwhelmed with sympathy for just about everybody in this matter, but I'm going to spend the next six hundred words smacking down the people who deserve the least sympathy of all: those uber-patriots I see crawling all over the comments forums for every site I regularly visit on the World-Wide Web telling me it's time to nuke the city of Fallujah from orbit and kill every last man, woman and child inside the perimeter -- that's over 250,000 souls, mind you -- just to clarify any
confusion in the world over whether the Americans have lost the knack for committing genocide.

I know. I've already heard it. I'm supposed to be enraged at the mutilations of the corpses of those four American contractors. I saw the still photos. I read the stories from the war correspondents. I'm not enraged. Well, not any more enraged today than I was months and even years ago when all of this could have been prevented.

Feel free to chime in here guys, if you think I'm off base -- these four guys, who were riding around Fallujah in an American sport-utility vehicle, were elite special operations professionals in the employ of a sutlerage company called Blackwater Security Consultants. They were all formerly in the service of the United States Armed Forces prior to their taking leave to pursue a lucrative and high-risk career in the combat-for-hire business. They were not in Fallujah to liberate the Iraqi people from a tyrant, or to protect American citizens from the threat of flying saucer related program activities.

These guys were mercenaries. They were there to make a profit for the shareholders of Blackwater Security Consultants. Anything else, and they would have been stealing from their employers. When they got toadcranked on that bridge, my reaction was to say, ''I sure hope they were offered a good death benefits package. Because they sure as heck aren't going to get an OSHA inspector at their job site any time soon.''

Yeah, the Iraqis who killed those American mercenaries and mutilated their corpses sure do play dirty, don't they? But am I supposed to be surprised? Guys, tell me I'm not supposed to be surprised.

What in the nine million names of the gods did we think was going to happen when the U.S. Marines announced last weekend they were going to launch offensive operations to pacify Fallujah and promote security? That the insurgents would threaten to retaliate by going on television with Chris Matthews? Is anyone really surprised?

Let me tell you what surprises me. I'm reading the reactions from the right-wing weblogs (that region of the World-Wide Web we like to call Blogistan, e.g.,,, etcetera), and the extent of the reactionism and the depth of the anger is really taking my breath away. Seriously. I've got a pretty tough skin for that stuff, but this turn of events has been a real test.

A day or two of anger and rage I would have ignored. They've been raging non-stop ever since the news first broke, and there doesn't appear to be any sign of them letting up. I have lost count of the number of threads on I've seen with hundreds of posts arguing over which particular form of atrocity the people of Fallujah deserve to have perpetrated upon them -- en masse -- in retaliation. Really, the rhetoric I've seen is so harsh I can't bring myself to repeat it here.

Meanwhile, twenty-five miles west of Fallujah on the same day, there were five active duty U.S. soldiers killed when their convoy was hit by a roadside bomb. No pictures of happy Iraqi insurgents posing next to mangled corpses, but the Americans are just as dead -- and say what you want about the Pentagon brass and the President, the schmucks in the trucks on the ground and in uniform are certainly not in it for the mad stacks of phat bank their employers are flowing them for hauling ammunition around Iraq. The worst you can say about them is that they just wanted to get some help with college tuition -- and I am in no position to throw that particular stone.

But does anybody get tweaked about the deaths of American servicemen in Iraq anymore? Apparently, not. Some American mercenaries get recycled, though, and suddenly liberation is too good for the Iraqi people.

Now comes the news from CENTCOM that retaliation will be forthcoming. It will be swift and it will be overwhelming. Escalate. Dominate. Eliminate. Bill O'Reilly had a guest on his Fox News show who said ''we've got to sanitize the city'' and Chairman Bill replied, ''The colonel and I are disagreeing on the tactics, but we know what the final solution should be.''

The ring has been called by that name before, Frodo.

J. You know, there are very few sequels that are as good as the original, and it in the early going in looks like the Democratic Presidential Campaign for 2004 is going to be no exception. There have been some rocky moments in the early going now that JK has things locked up, and this is beginning to look awfully familiar to Democrats.

Witness, a $2,000 a plate fund raiser the other night in Beverly Hills. While JK and company made off with stoopidly phat stax of mad bank, it left many of the attendees rather underwhelmed. The complaints could generally be divvied up into two catetgories: a. The Candidate was about as exciting as watching old Larry King reruns, and b. It would appear that some people's $2,000 was a tad greener than others.

Let's start with the latter complaint. The organization of this fund raiser was apparently so poor that they oversold the thing. A function originally designed for no more than a few of hundred people tops ended up drawing more than 2,000 paid guests.

And unless you were Hollywood 'A' list, your evening started at a parking lot standing around in your best Political Power Rangers Combat Dinner Class-A Uniform waiting in some cases for hours for a shuttle to take you to the house where JK was holding court.

John Wheeler writes in The American Prospect:
''But gridlock quickly froze all traffic in and out of the site, and a thousand people with expensive suits and really good hair spent an hour standing in line on the street as the sun set. When the vans finally got my group to the mansion, most of the food was gone. And the bar was closed.

The next morning, the Los Angeles Times reported that all of Hollywood's Democratic Party royalty -- Barbra Streisand, Dustin Hoffman, Leonardo DiCaprio, Angelica Huston, Lucy Liu, Jason Alexander, Danny DeVito, Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen, and Jennifer Aniston -- had been there.

I bet they got more to eat than I did.''

This was a common complaint heard among many of the party goers, who felt like the campaign insiders were essentially acting like ranchers bringin' them doggies to market, combined with a heaping dose of condencsenion and patronization by wealthy Kerry insiders. Compounding this, was the fact that many of the 'C' list guests were old Dean supporters who are trying to get their collective groove on for Kerry.

But debacles like this aren't helping. A certain amount of forced love has been going on relative to the Dean supporters, and screw ups of this magnitude only reinforce their suspicion that the Kerry people were all talk about unifying the party and that they could care less about anyone but their gang.

I mean, hey...who are the Dean people gonna vote for in the fall? Bush?

The former complaint actually came from all quarters, and has its roots in the stunningly entropy-laden campaign of Al Gore four years ago. Does anyone out there wonder why the Al Gore we see now is not the Al Gore we wanted to see on the campaign trail four years ago? Does anyone wonder why JK seems to be doing his best Gore impersonation on the campaign trail?

This is because the same speech coaches and writers who turned Al Gore into mannequin four years ago are working for Kerry this time around and seem intent on doing the same thing to JK. Look, JK is not the most exciting speaker we have ever seen, but his show the other night in the Hills (as the hip young people call it) made even insiders nervous.

He apparently droned on at length (some reports have it upwards of 40 minutes) threatening to mezmermize most of the attendees with a speaking style attributable to a life sucking opiates through glass tubes.

Not everyone panned his act. Wheeler, of the Prospect, actually said he turned in a good performance. However that was not the universally held view. It is rumored that even now, JK's starting team is looking at this event as a "learning experience."

S. Well, these people need to get over their "learning experiences" fast, because they simply don't have the time for these kinds disasters. Yeah, perhaps disaster is too strong a word to use, I mean, dude did walk away with three mil...

But that's not the issue. If we have learned anything from this election season, it's that the Democratic rank and file, you know the people who are going to get out there and not only vote, but bug their friends and neighbors to vote, to phone bank, stuff envelopes, put signs in their yards, walk precints...those people are looking for someone to energize.

We all agree it has to be about getting Bush out of office, and most people are at least letting that be their rallying cry. But at the end of the day that is not going to produce enough support to make a difference in November. The Democratic Party has to have a candidate that people get excited about going out there and fighting for and voting for.

And so far, JK and his gang have not done much more than collect money while letting themselves get painted into a corner by the Rovians as the French-Loving-Pro-Terrorist-Spendaholics from Taxachusettstan...

So we ran this problem by the Mojohaus political science staffers. Their unanimous opinion, after the laughter died down, was that JK needs to jettison his current communications team. He needs to get on a stronger message, with more focused public speaking.

And finally, we don't care what it takes, a five-shot latte from Starbucks, hooking up a 12 volt car battery to his nether regions while someone guns the engine, JK needs to project energy. Right now he is coming across like a beloved uncle who no one really takes know, the one who comes over to family gatherings, gets drunk immediately, tells a couple of jokes and falls asleep in the reclining chair with a thin bit of drool running down his chin...

Yeah...that guy. We don't want that guy to be President. We want the JK we saw back before the primaries started. The Presidential, self-assured JK who was calling out the President every single day as a liar and a fool. Where is that guy?

As for the party organization thing... We are not too worried about that, that was a logistical thing, and those deals tend to sort themselves out. But it does point to another more serious problem; JK's people need to get a grip when it comes to the unwashed masses. These are the people who are going to put your boy in the White House. You start acting like your too good to mix with the commoners and you are suddenly going to find yourselves very lonely come November.

That's not a threat...merely a prediction. Because we have seen this movie before and that one had a really bad ending. We'd hate to sit through another one of these things just to see that happen again...

J. A little heralded, yet hideous piece of business took place on the hill last week. As the President was getting ready to get Alien-probed for having his orcs instruct their sub-orcs to lie about medicare, his lawyers got all uppity about the concept of executive privelege...again... he was simultaneously brain-linking with Tom Delay to get Treasury Department officials to engage in a politically inspired beat down on Democratic tax plans.

As we've been beaming to you in the last few weeks, the Medicare Acturary was ordered to deceive Congress about the actual cost of the Medicare Perscription Bill. And you know, no matter how many times we tell you this, this is just horrible. Grifting Congress like a shill at two bit carnival for over a hundered Billion Dollars so they could try to get a few extra pecentage points in their internal poll numbers.

So Congress, even a Congress held under the thrall of Sith Lord Thomas Delay, was worked up enough to start demanding Answers from the Executive Branch. I don't know about you wireheads, but we are actually surprised that the Admintrations faithful minons actually mustered the courage to utter a peep of objection to being turned, once again, into the official biaaatches of the Administration.

Well ...almost...

The picture has become crystal clear. Tom Scully ordered the Actuary, someone specifcially directed by an act of Congress to provide members with accurate informaiton about the costs of Governemnt Actions was orederd to lie the Actuary himself told the Congress that yes, his superiors ordered him not to tell Congress about the revised numbers.

Even the most dim of observers could easily see how the idea that Scully developed the scrotum to do this on his own to be highly unlikely.

It was far more likely that someone in Dr. Roves undergreound installation of lies and deceipt ordered this action to protect the President from an embarrasing polticial defeat.

But shock and awe, wireheads, the Republican Majority voted to end the inquiry into the silencing of the Medicare Actuary. Let's rephrase that statement so we can really taste the acidic bile. Congress has refused to investiage an illegal conspiracy to defraud the American taxpayers and their elected representitives, for the sole reason that the political allegience of the majority required that they avoid holding the Administraton accountable.

S. I don't know about you, but our abiltiy to summor outrage is just about tapped out. It just never ends with these people. 100 Billion dollars frauds pulled on the Congress, ordering someone specifically required by Congressinal Republicans in past years to provide them with truthful information to remain silent in the face of decepiton?

And the Congress refuses to investigate that?

Even when Democrats held both branches, they still managed to protect the integrity of their respective institutions. It's so reassuring to know that the REpublican majirty in Congress puts their allegience to their party above that of their duty to their consituents.

At the same time, we were treated to the awful spectalce of Tom Delay, standing on the hallowed ground of the People's House, defending the use of Treasurty employees to spend government resources to analyze and attack John Kerry's recent tax proposal. Something Republicans like Tom Delay wre quick to accuse and repudiate when the opposition party held the White House.

And yes, this is hypocrisy, and hypocrisy is a disease afflicting both parties and virtually every one in Washington displasy the symptoms from time to time. But this is a perfect example of how the current regime that has seized control of our Democratic insitutions holds those institutoins in contempt. There is no outrage, no lie, no deception or twisting of the truth that is not justifiable as long as it heps perpetuate their hold on power.

A power they are exercising to attack poltiical oppenents, secure the grip of international corporate greedheads over your lives, and annhilate 50 years of citizean sovereinity over their economic lives through democracy.

This is the important point. You, yes Homer Simpson, can exercise control over the players in the capitalist gangbang through democracy. That is an essential part of the idea Thomas Jefferson articulated in the Declaraiton.

Wretched excuses for a primate like Tom Delay are tyring to convince you that if you read the Bible backwards while humming Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA, Jesus commands you to surrender that power to an elite group of private capitalists with so much power over the electoral process they can get a two bit Forest Gump elected to the White House, and a gang of theives and liars to run the Congess.

A gang so craven that they desecrate our democracy by never missing a chance to declare their own patriotism and impugn others while turning that democracy into an oligarcy of oil barons and international venture goons.

And the punchline for the joke here is that the Treasury Department could not even utterly despise the plans, they were forced to come up with best, mid and worst case scenarios...guess which version is currently gracing the RNC website.

J. So our patriotic thought for the day: Denying free enterprise in a combat zone means the terrorists win, or as John Ashcroft says... “It ain't political persecution, if I'm a doin' the persecutinatin'...”

S. And that’s all for this week, tune in again soon for another exciting installment, until, of course, we are declared enemies of the state.

And remember, you can now email the Mojowire at, that’s Email, us hippies!

J. And now you can check out the Mojowire online at; you can read the entire archive along with our general ramblings...

This has been the Mojowire, brought to you by Mojohaus...Mojohaus-fine journalism, afflicting the comfortable since 1988, and produced by our super funky fly producer Mike Payne and the Darkling Eclectica, here on KUCI, 88.9...

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