OWW!!! MY EYE!!!!!

I don't know what has come over these people, but it had better stop soon, before the entire Internet degenerates into endless, grinding, trench warfare.

Here at The MojoWire, we prefer to remain neutral in conflicts like this. Nevertheless, all parties should think twice before attacking us. We have weapons in deep storage more terrifying than anything the world has ever known. Yes, Bill Shatner singing Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds is truly horrifying. Yes, the Star Wars Christmas Special is devastating in its effects— leaving the buildings still standing while corpses litter the streets. Yes, the full five-minute rendition of Let The Eagle Soar is an Apocalypse In A Can.

Do not threaten us or we will be forced to retaliate with The UFO Conspiracy file!

If the mere mention of its name does not sap your very will to live, then consider yourself lucky and pray to whatever deities you find comforting in these dark days that we never feel sufficiently threatened by escalating hostilities in neighboring Left Blogovia that we break the U.N. Security Council seals on the Level-4 containment facility where we keep the fissile material.