Better Know Your Bible -- v1

In looking up references for the preceding bit, I ran across some truly mind-bending screed. Really ... Drieux, this may even be a bit much for you:

"Procured abortion –a heinous form of cold-blooded murder, a crime scripturally warranting the death penalty that also subjects primary offenders and accomplices to automatic excommunication in the Catholic Church– is less of an offense against God than homosexual conduct. Abortion takes the life of an innocent person. A homosexual act –an abuse of the sexual faculty– denies potential life to a possible innocent person. An aborted person has the opportunity to obtain eternal life. A non-conceived person never has that opportunity."

So I've decided that we could all use some churchin' up, and have the Bible explained to us, so that we might more fully come to know the mind of the Angry Sky Fairy...

Come on, Wirehaters, we know you're lurking out there, muttering curses under your breath, neck veins bulging, as bile rises in your throat while you fantasize about what you'll do to us when Gilead goes public... so help us out with a few bible verses here...

In this first installment, let's tackle Deuteronomy 22: 21-22 in that:

20 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel,


21 then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die, because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house; so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

Essentially, here, we're stoning a girl to death for pre-marital sex. Now it says that the menfolk of town have to do this... is that all the men folk? Or can we farm this function out to the male police officers, or something, because that's an awful lot of men in most towns to be stoning one girl to death... I'm just sayin'.

What if she did not "play the whore in her father's house" but took it to a Motel-6. What if it was the back seat of her father's Oldsmobile? What if it were the backseat of her own car? Do we still have to stone her, or are there other deaths for those occasions, like being fed to wolves like Ernest Borgnine in The Vikings?

And what are these "tokens" of virginity? Is it some kind of ID card? A badge? A letter from her doctor?

For the record, the guy who accuses her; if it turns out he's lyin' he gets a fine of a 100 shekels.

mojo sends