Oh, Dear God...

From the execreble* Associated Press:

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — The international shipping industry must take on more responsibility to protect vessels against pirate attacks and kidnappings in the dangerous waters of Somalia rather than rely on the U.S. Navy, the commander of the 5th Fleet warned on Monday.

Vice Adm. Bill Gortney said the U.S.-led coalition patrolling the Gulf of Aden simply doesn't "have the resources to provide 24-hour protection" for hundreds of commercial vessels passing daily through these dangerous waters between Somalia and Yemen.

Gortney's comments come as heavily armed pirates are increasingly preying on shipping in the area. Drug smuggling and kidnappings for ransom have increased despite heavy presence of U.S. warships and patrol boats in the area.
[...]

Somebody please tell me: why the fuck do we spend hundreds of billions of dollars every year on a Navy that can't even do the one mission for which the Navy was created to do?

Pirates. You have got to be fucking kidding me. Pirates!? We can't even suppress the goddamn pirates and keep the shipping lanes safe anymore? Jeebus. What the fuck are they doing with all that money we spend on them? Blowing it on hookers and dope?

Okay, so now I gotta ask: is Chevron gonna be allowed to build their own fleet of battlewagons to defend their tankers against pirates because the U.S. Navy is too fucked up to do the job itself? What kind of firepower are we thinking Chevron ought to be lugging around while we continue to go about pissing away the military's power to project force? Can we sell them cruise missiles? I'm only asking because I'm kinda in the business of making things, you know, and well, I'm seeing this wealthy new buyer coming into the market soon...

Aieeiee. Goddamn it! Why the fuck do these people keep trying to make my planet into a cheap 1980's sci-fi potboiler?

* No, you fuckheads. This is what's called Fair Use. You can suck it.