Saturday, March 19, 2005

Mojowire for 3.19 -- PART I

Mojowire for 03.19; vol. 3, no. 7 sean

MUSIC: Intro/Hendrix, Star Spangled Banner
s9/ Prodigy, We Have Explosive
Exeunt/WildChild, Renegade Master

J. Good Morning, and welcome to The Mojowire, Vol. 3, No.7... I'm Mojo...

S. And I'm Sean, it's Saturday, March 19, 2005, Day 1,433 of the Neocon Captivity, and here's the news for the week gone-by...

J. Brought to you by Mojohaus-fine journalism, afflicting the comfortable since 1988. Now headlines, from Mojohaus:

S. First this morning, we are going to bring the radio equivalent of a hot poker in the eyes as we examine the appointment of Deputy Secretary of State for Dick Cheney's Affairs John Bolton to be W's new man on the ground at the United Nations.

J. Next, we cut through this week's mainstream media celebrity clutter to bring the real news about some important doings in the Capitol that were pushed off the front pages by more important news about Robert Blake and Michael Jackson.

S. Then our special correspondent from low earth orbit, Dr. Strychnine, fires up the terrajoule death laser and fixes the conjugate tracking mirror on a building in Northwest D.C., home of the quislings and pimps of the Democratic Leadership Council.

J. Next, we have a little vocabular lesson, and the low down on a new bit of right wing kookery disguised as a policy meme from the hive brain at the Heritage Institute. TABOR is going to bring a whole new meaning to your life if it is enacted in any way here in California. Just look at what it did to Colorado...

S. Finally this morning, we have the latest installment in our Arnold Watch. This week Conan the Republican will find himself in court for running the political equivalent of a Nigerian money scam, collecting money for policy advocacy, which in turn is ending up in his campaign warchest.

J. …So stand by to stand by while we get ready to pull the pin on this thing...

J. We would like to start this week's wire by asking a simple question: John Bolton? John Fscking Bolton?! Are you freekin' kidding me? Upon the news' crossing the wires, many of the Mojowire staff were sticken mute and blind, mostly junior editors and copy-creatures, several of whom only survived the initial blast by gnawing off various body parts... more experienced correspondents, editors and bean counters had medicine handy to counter the more immediately noticable side effects, like extemporaneous limbs spontaneously sprouting out of the middle of the back or a sudden, unexplained ability to speak Swahili.

Okay, for those of you waking up with hangovers from the end of the quarter parties on the fabulous campus of UCI, and you may not have heard, Maximum Leader has tapped John Bolton to be his maximum pro-consul to Havana on the Hudson, 39-stories of cheese-eating Anti-Americanism known as the Untied Nations.

By this time, vague alarm bells should be ringing in your head... John Bolton? Where do I know that name? Oh yeah... he was the administration's chief arm twister for the weapons of mass destruction paradigm for invading Iraq; the adminsitration's current drum beater in chief for a preemptive war in Iran, and Defesnse Department Under-Boss Doug Feith's crummy little toady over at the State Department.

So, while we are reeling in horror from this, let's go ahead and face the full intellectual realization of this nomination... everyone get out those percentile dice, this one's going to hurt. Alot.

You know, this is like naming Charles Manson to be the next director of Health and Human Services, or making Bernie Ebbers Treasury Secretary. Bolton is one of these reflexively irate neocons who wears his disdain for international law and cooperation like some perverted badge of honor, like when you were the first kid on your block to smoke a whole cigarette, you were cool for about 2 minutes before all the other kids saw you wretching so hard you almost passed out face down, semi-conscious in your own vomit.

Yeah... that kind of perverted badge of honor.

Bolton once said in 1994 (and has repeatedly and expressly stood by the statement) that: "There is no such thing as the United Nations. If the UN Secretary building in New York lost 10 stories it wouldn't make a bit of difference." He has also militated against paying the U.S.'s billions of dollars in back dues until we can be sure of getting our way there. Seriously, did this guy ever graduate from middle school? Do what I say, or we won't be in your stoopid club?

A few other telling public utterances from Bolton on the necessity and utility of international cooperation and the rule of law from The American Progress' Progress Report: "If I were doing the Security Council today, I'd have one permanent member [the United States] because that's the real reflection of the distribution of power in the world," Bolton said in 2000. When proponents of the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty worried that its defeat was marking an isolationist turn for the U.S., Bolton called them "timid and neo-pacifist." And when Bolton was given permission to sign the letter to the U.N. that stated Washington was renouncing the Rome Treaty creating the International Criminal Court, he described it as "the happiest moment of my government service."

Nice work, there C-plus... This is the same guy you had to recall to the United States when he managed to scram six-nation talks with North Korea, because he was careening through the international news media on the cusp of negotiations referring to North Korean Premiere Kim Jong-Il as "rude human scum." Look, we're not big fans of the weird little bollicks either, but when you're about to engage in talks with an unstable regime who's leader who is not only potentially mentally ill, but also is very close to having his very own Doomsday Weapon, you might want to parse your public words a little better there, Tacitus.

So given that exemplary record of diplomatic service, deep thought and respect for international order, of course this is the guy Maximum Leader taps to be his guy in the U.N.

S. But more to the point, the fact is that Bolton really is the perfect guy for this job. Think about it for just a moment. John Bolton is clearly the guy who most reflects the current thinking in the West Wing and down at Foggy Bottom about the United States' position in the world and how the President and his inner circle view normative concepts of international legitimacy.

Okay history geeks, listen up because were going to get a little academic here for a minute...

Look, for the last half-millenia, international order has been maintained by the Westphalian system of stability based on a balance of powers in the world. Basically no one, either alone or in concert, had a sufficiently big enough stick to enforce their will on the other great powers (in spite of the United States' best efforts in the 20th Century). That all came crashing down in what the egg heads over in the History Department are calling the "Unipolarity Shift" of the late 1980s, when the Berlin Wall came down.

Now legitimacy back in the day was based on maintaining a rough balance of power in an insane nuclear tightrope act, but now? Well, that's the problem that a couple of brainacs named Bob Tucker and Dave Hendrickson addressed when they penned a little opus for Foreign Affairs (and a big tip of that hat to Publius & Eric at the Legal Fiction Blog, for their extended discussion of international legitimacy from which we cull much of the following).

"Legitimacy arises from the conviction that state action proceeds within the ambit of law, in two senses: first, that action issues from rightful authority, that is, from the political institution authorized to take it; and second, that it does not violate a legal or moral norm. Ultimately, however, legitimacy is rooted in opinion, and thus actions that are unlawful in either of these senses may, in principle, still be deemed legitimate. That is why it is an elusive quality. Despite these vagaries, there can be no doubt that legitimacy is a vital thing to have, and illegitimacy a condition devoutly to be avoided."

But remember, this is Maximum Leader we are talking about here, and to him and his posse, appearance is everything. They took a lesson from much of U.S. history in the late 20th Century, where we did things that were not strictly speaking in the letter of international law, but viewed as legitimate anyway because the United States was the one doing it, and acting to keep the evil Soviet's at bay, yada yada yada...

It's not like the U.S. actions were the international equvalent of the closing credits of the Bennie Hill show with people running around in double speed with the pants down around their ankles... The U.S. fought long and hard for many of these international principles, paying at times with the blood of our own citizens to insure these were working systems.

There were essentially four pillars of international order adhered to by the U.S.: A commitment to internatoinal law, acceptance of consensual decision making, moderation and making preservation of peace the organizing principle. Boy howdy... did that get screwed up or what...

Without a counter balance to U.S. power, the actions of the U.S. constitute the actions of a rogue state, acting of their own accord not even pretending to consult with allies or think about long term consequences. We maintain that this is the express goal of the current group of Stalinists in charge of foreign policy at Foggy Bottom. Hell, even before the attacks on 9/11, John Bolton in his incarnation as Undersecratary of State for Arms Control and Internationaol Security... no that's okay we'll wait while you clean the milk out of your nose and off your shirt...

Yeah, so even before 9/11, Bolton wrote in a paper on international relations: "it is a big mistake for us to grant any validity to international law, even when it may seem in our short-term interst to do so, because over the long-term, the goal of those who think that international law really means anything are those who want to cosntrict the United States."

The short hand here of course is Maximum Leader's "your with us or your with the terrorists..." trying to create a false legitimacy against a background of criminal stateless actors.

So in that context, it makes perfect sense to send John Bolton to be George Bush's represnetative to the United Nations. In fact, it may be the most hideously honest thing George Bush ever does in his eight cursed years as President. It's like the Mouth of Sauron coming out in front of the Black Gates to run his boss' smack and tell Gandalf and Co., how much he is going to enjoy running them bitches into the ground.

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss...

J. So Wireheads, it was a busy week for the Mainstream Media's NewsMachine. Of course, the listening audience of this program, indeed, of the Darkling Eclectica spent all of their leisure time this week catching up on their reading, you know, the Proust you read to relax with, or the latest edition of the Warren Commision report you felt inspired to pick up again after wading through the euphemisms and doubletalk of the 9/11 Commission report.

Of course, I'm not trying to draw a connection between the "Alleged" murder of a President by CIA shooters from the Grassy Knoll...ERRR...I meant a lone gunmen from the fifth floor of the Book Depository shooting magic bullets, and the "alleged" failure of the Bush Administration in preventing a terrorist cell from killing 3000 Americans. I'm just saying that we felt a jab of Deja vu, and perhaps you did as well..

Anyway, we digress...Naturally, our listeners are too sophisticated to follow the concurrent and ongoing media trials going on lately, the Michael Jackson trial, the Robert Blake trial, the sentencing of Scott Peterson, Public Enemy number 1, the spectacle of future Baseball Hall of Famers hauled up in front of a Congressional Committee to answer questions on Steroid use in the league. Quite a bit to draw your attention this week, wasn't there?

I'm sure it was just a coincidence then, that your GOP Congress, ever dedicated to transparency in Government, scheduled key votes on some of the most controversial issues of the last few years to come up for a vote. One particular vote leapt to mind, Allowing Drilling in the Alaska Natural Wildlife Reserve, ANWR.

As you know, the Bush Administration and the Conservative Carney show of freaks and losers has dedicated themselves to defacing the pristine wilderness of ANWR, all in the name of extracting a few million more barrels of oil that will not make a dent in rising energy costs, but will make a tidy profit for the oil companies when they sell that oil to China and India. Oh, I'm sorry Red State, didn't you know that it isn't cost effective to sell that oil domestically, that all that oil is headed to Asia? Did Mr. Limbaugh forget to mention that to you?

The obsession with UNWIRE is inexplicable, unless you surrender to the grim reality that the Bush Administration and it's conservative allies really enjoy destroying the environment for it's own sake, a grim sadistic pleasure best shared at cocktail parties held in the "Red Room" at the American Enterprise Institute. By invitation only, and "Special Dress" required...

Democrats and few Republicans have managed to derail ANWR in the past, so the proponents decided to use some legislative Legerdemain and hide it in a budget resolution rather than in an up and down vote. Senator Maria Cantwell sponsored an amendment to strip ANWR from the unrelated legislation, but it was defeated, with the help of our favorite GOP..DOH! Democratic Senator JoeMentum Lieberman. It's been a busy week for JoeMentum. Last week Uncle Joe was helping Republicans defeat amendments to the Bankruptcy Bill that would have stopped it's passage. The fact that Joe voted against the final product means nothing since his vote wasn't required for passage. Joe gets to tell Democratic Primary voters he voted against it while pleasing the financial services companies in his home state that demand his obedience. So Joe helps the GOP get their ANWR and their Bankrupcy Bill. Did we really nominate this jack-hole to be Vice President?

We are just aboslutley sure here at the Wire that scheduling the ANWR vote this week had nothing to do with the anticipated verdicts in the Blake Trial or the Peterson sentencing? Could the GOP really be that cynical? Do you have to ask?

It takes more than just a contempt for the voters to time crucial votes during egregiously overhyped media events like the Jackson trial, secure in the knowledge that Americans are so bizarelly obsessed with celebrity, that dreadful accusations and media saturated trials demand their attention more than crucial votes in Congress over Bankruptcy, over the exploitation of America's wilderness and resources, the theft of their retirement insurance, Torture of prisoners, and whatever else the addled hyena's in the Republican party are up to this week.

Yes, it takes a cruel and brutal hatred of Democracy and everything it stands for.

The only thing worse are the Democrats who gleefully assist the GOP in these victories for short term political favors. Memo to Joementum and friends: Maybe you could stand up one day for the Middle Class constancy that you take such delight in shafting. I expect no less from Conservative sleaze balls who condone torture and foster hatred of everything good and decent in this country, but if you want to be a democrat and liberal, you need to stop orally servicing the subhuman lizard men in the majority and acutally take a stand for something that might displease the money necromancers on K Street. If not, please go over to the other side where you will gleefully served the cuisine of human misery and degradation that is standard fare in the Republican Party.

S. A special piss off to the Conservative section of the blogsphere that woke up the day after the Bankrutpcy bill passed to whine and bleat about how maybe this bill wasn't so good. Do you think? Your sainted GOP has been trying to pass this bill for 3 years? Did you just suddenly learn to read and discover this? You voted for this you shmucks! Acting like you are mildly disapponted is shameful. It's your fault right wing blogistan.

We told you that these people would screw you. Yeah, It's red State America that has the worst bankruptcies rates. You did it yourselves. Do us a favor and shut up or actually hold those jackels you got elected accountable. YOur pathetic and abject whines after the fact serve only to call you out for clowns and patsies. Show some respect for yourselves for Gods Sakes!

The most awful dimension of this is that every day, every single flippin day, a new revelation erupts from the bowels of the Administration about how Americans, people who have sworn to uphold the Constitutin of the United States, are personally engaging in torture, sending people off for others to torture, or walking in our courts and willingly telling Federal Judges that the Executive Branch has the authority to toture anyone it wants at any time so get off their back.

So let me just soak this one up for a moment. I'm supposed to be horrified by the dreadful realization that Baseball players routinely juice up, but not even fazed when the Director of the CIA tells Congress that, yeah, we're probably rendering people to torturers. Um, Red State? It's time for our weekly intevention.

It's been obvious to anyone watching Baseball that isn't mentally ill that players in the game have been juicing on Steroids? DUH! Baseball players wrote the book on substance abuse! Coke, Booze, Pot, speed, the Major leagues are pioneers in this.

Whether or not McGuire or Bonds has juiced isn't worth the attention we are taking away from the adoption of the tactics of torture and dehumanization we hung people at Nuremberg for by this Administration. Grow UP Red State! Your Pro Athelete aren't heros, or Gods, or role models. They are atheletes, enjoy the game, buy the gear, drink the bear and stop short of putting them on a pedastal best reserved for people who contribute more to our society than touchdowns, runs and baskets.

And just for the Record, the editors here at the Wire are devout sports fans who will spend the weekend geeking on March Madness. So yes, we love sports but hate the liars and theives who will greedily ruin the games we love to suck out an extra quatloo in cheap stadium beer or overpriced Jersey.

So wake up America. Stop watching the Jackson trial reenactment, it's strange and evil to do this and sensationalize a trial about the gruesome abuse of children.

Focus on something that matters. It's embarrassing to the rest of us. Pretend you have a brain and a life and pay attention! This means you Red State!

And now the music is telling me that we have an incoming transmission from the redoubtable Dr. S9…

J. That’s right. It is time once again for our regular contributor Dr. Strychnine, reporting from his super-secret, ultra-dope, mega-cool, extra-jiggy, Mojohaus spy satellite of love high in geosynchronous orbit above Baghdad by the Bay…take it away S9…

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