Oh Hell— Let's Just Light This Muthafucker Off On The Front Page

Elevated from one of my own comments to a previous post, and edited slightly for content and scansion... allow me to present Dr. Strychnine's Improved First Verse of The Star-Spangled Banner.

Yo. Can you muthafuckin see? By the goddamn dawn's early light? What so muthafuckin proudly we hailed at the goddamn twilight's last— muthafuckin— gleaming? What broad goddamn stripes and bright muthafuckin stars, through the goddamn perilous muthafuckin fight, over the goddamn ramparts we watched, were so goddamn muthafuckin— gallantly— streaming. Yeah. And the muthafuckin rockets' goddamn red glare, and the muthafuckin bombs muthafuckin bursting in the muthafuckin air, gave— fuck, proof!— muthafucker, i said proof, god damn you!— that our muthafuckin goddamn flag was... Still. Fuckin. There. So, yeah bitch. Now, answer me. Does that goddamn, punkass, piece-of-shit, star-spangled banner yet fuckin wave over the land of the muthafuckin free and the home of the god damn brave? Does it? Uh, huh, that's what I muthafuckin thought. Now, goddamn it— play muthfuckin ball!

Be thankful I wrote it in English, muthafuckers. I shudder to think how you'd react if I had written it en Español.